A very good friend of mine recently asked me if everything was okay. If I was doing well. She had this feeling that something wasn\u2019t quite right. I looked at her, surprised, and replied, \u201cOf course. Everything\u2019s fine.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On the drive home, I thought about her question for a moment. After a while, I decided to push the thought aside. Life went on as usual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few weeks later, while on vacation, I had a binge-eating episode. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I travelled to Iceland to see the Northern Lights. It was already the third day of my trip. Twice, I had tried unsuccessfully to catch a glimpse of the lights. I was overtired because I was working remotely during the day. I didn\u2019t have any food because I hadn\u2019t had time to go grocery shopping yet. On top of that, my workday had been incredibly stressful. At 2 PM, I finally found a window during my lunch break to head out and buy some food. At the supermarket, I picked up two relatively healthy ready meals, milk, a baguette, aioli, a pack of crackers, a pack of chocolate cookies, and some diet drinks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before I even got \u201chome,\u201d I had already eaten the entire pack of chocolate cookies\u2014during the 15-minute drive back. I kept reaching for them while driving, using them to regulate my inner tension. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I tried not to think too much about it and quickly cooked one of the ready meals so that I wouldn\u2019t feel hungry again right away. The rest of my workday was just as stressful. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The rest of my workday was just as stressful. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before heading out in the evening to chase the Northern Lights again, I decided to take a nap. Over the past few nights, I\u2019d only managed about four hours of sleep each night\u2014clearly not enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At first, it was hard for me to relax, but eventually, exhaustion took over and I fell asleep. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
An hour and a half later, my alarm went off. It was dark outside\u2014it was time to go hunting for the lights.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wasn\u2019t sure where exactly I should look for them, so I spent some time researching. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I did, my tension grew: What if I don\u2019t see them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I pushed the thought aside, packed the bread, aioli, crackers, and drinks into my bag, and set off. For 50 minutes, I drove toward darkness. Not knowing what made for a good viewing spot, I just kept driving farther and farther. By the time I stopped driving, I\u2019d eaten almost the entire baguette in the car\u2014dipping it into aioli as I went. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eventually, I parked at a spot where two other cars were already waiting. Now it was time for the hard part: waiting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The forecast wasn\u2019t ideal but also not hopeless. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
After some time passed, I finished off the rest of the bread and distracted myself by scrolling on my phone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Still nothing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It got later and later. My tension kept building. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
By 11 PM, I started eating the crackers. The entire pack was gone within minutes. But it didn\u2019t make me feel any better. So I kept waiting\u2026and waiting\u2026and waiting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
At 1:30 AM, I decided to call it quits. No lights tonight. Disappointed, exhausted, and uncomfortably full from overeating. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I drove back to my apartment\u2014a drive that felt like it dragged on forever. Deflated, I crawled into bed with only two nights left before my return flight home. My thoughts spiraled endlessly until eventually\u2014I fell asleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next day was Saturday. My plan was to visit Iceland\u2019s Golden Circle route. Running on six hours of sleep, I set out to explore Iceland\u2019s breathtaking landscapes. But throughout the day, I kept noticing how stressed I felt\u2014rushing through sites as if checking items off a list rather than enjoying them fully. In \u00deingvellir National Park especially, my hurried pace must have seemed odd to others around me.\nWhen it hit me how rushed and frantic I'd become again, a thought crossed my mind: Aren\u2019t you supposed to be enjoying this? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That realization helped\u2014at least somewhat\u2014and things got better after that moment of awareness. Still, there were times when that sense of urgency crept back in; sometimes I managed to counteract it successfully. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
By mid-afternoon though\u2014I\u2019d had enough sightseeing for one day. Tired and craving rest before another night chasing lights\u2014I decided on a nap instead of squeezing in more activities like visiting Reykjav\u00edk or hiking near volcanoes (questions like Am I missing out? lingered briefly). But ultimately\u2014I reminded myself vacations are meant for enjoyment\u2014not pressure-filled itineraries!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Despite intending two restful hours' sleep prepped for nighttime adventures ahead\u2014the mounting anticipation left me restless instead; unable-to-sleep led-to researching Facebook groups\/apps learning meteorological data improving odds witnessing auroras firsthand! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nightfall arrived; harbor-bound awaited spectacle alongside fellow hopefuls parked nearby nervously counting-down minutes stretching eternity-like\u2026 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then\u2014they appeared! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
For-the-first-time-ever I witnessed Northern-Lights. This was electrifyingly, surreal, awe-struck and overwhelming. Pure-magic that made me forget all my stress from before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Over the course of the evening, I felt the tension slowly dissipate. Later, I joined a guided tour I had booked the day before, and once again, I saw the Northern Lights. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
By 4:30 AM, I was finally in bed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ich war ersch\u00f6pft. M\u00fcde und ausgelaugt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was utterly exhausted\u2014physically drained but also mentally worn out. The past few weeks had been overwhelming. I had been traveling a lot for work. My grandmother had passed away, and I hadn\u2019t taken a single day to properly grieve. I was working on my book. I had started a new job. And on top of it all, I was trying to stick to a routine of exercising every other day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I could feel how all of this was taking its toll on me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But when I saw the Northern Lights, it felt as though a piece of that weight had finally lifted off my shoulders. Gradually, I drifted off to sleep. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next day, I had planned a spa day at the Blue Lagoon. Tired but content, I made my way there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
At first, the same pattern repeated itself\u2014I wanted to see everything, try everything, and capture every moment. In doing so, I completely forgot why I had come in the first place: to relax. To enjoy the thermal baths. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bit by bit, I tried to remind myself of that purpose. I went into the sauna, wrote a few postcards, and read a book. Slowly but surely, I began to feel more at ease.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Looking back now at the past few days and weeks, I realize that while I only had one binge-eating episode during this time, I definitely resorted to other (unhealthy) coping mechanisms to manage my stress and emotions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I posted excessively on Instagram to mask my feelings of loneliness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I worked 12-hour days to feel important at work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I leaned heavily on my friends and my partner\u2014expecting them, perhaps unfairly, to make me feel better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My screen time last week averaged 7.5 hours per day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sure, some of that included using Google Maps and other navigation apps\u2014but normally, my daily screen time doesn\u2019t exceed 2\u20133 hours. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Without even realizing it, I had replaced emotional eating with other distractions\u2014all aimed at avoiding my inner tension and restlessness. At avoiding feelings of grief, anger, inadequacy, and self-doubt. All of which I was trying to suppress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And now, as I sit here writing these words, it\u2019s becoming crystal clear: I need a break.\nI need to take care of myself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To stop myself from spinning out of control again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To avoid turning back to food for comfort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To prevent burning out entirely.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Eine sehr gute Freundin hat mich k\u00fcrzlich gefragt, ob alles in Ordnung sei. Ob es mir gut gehe. Denn sie hat so ein Gef\u00fchl, dass das nicht so sei. Ich schaute sie verwundert an und antwortete \u201eJa klar. Alles ist gut.\u201c Auf der Heimfahrt dachte ich kurz \u00fcber die Frage nach. Nach einer Weile beschloss […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[6,5,4],"class_list":["post-77","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-anspannung","tag-druck","tag-pause"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/your-growth-studio.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/77","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/your-growth-studio.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/your-growth-studio.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/your-growth-studio.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/your-growth-studio.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=77"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/your-growth-studio.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/77\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":78,"href":"https:\/\/your-growth-studio.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/77\/revisions\/78"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/your-growth-studio.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=77"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/your-growth-studio.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=77"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/your-growth-studio.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=77"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}